


Echoes from the Future

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Poe's birthday, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 15:26:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13929924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: It's Poe's birthday and his friends bring him back to his past.





	Echoes from the Future

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Oscar Isaac's birthday. I can't do fluff so of course, my favorite boys need to suffer a little bit.

Poe was still drifting between sleep and consciousness while his friends were chatting cheerfully next to him. It was his 30th birthday and his friends decided to make a road trip to a surprise location. They woke up Poe early by sneaking into his flat and dragging him outside, half asleep, to lock him in one of their two cars and to drive, refusing to tell him where they were going. Poe was in Jessika's car, with Kare and Snap while Finn, Rey and Rose were in Paige's car.

Poe yawned once again when he felt the car slowing down and before he managed to look around to see where they were, Kare was putting a blindfold on his eyes. Poe was still a little bit grumpy to have been awaken so brutally but he knew his friends were trying to do something nice for him so he played the game, willingly letting them pulling him out of the car. He trusted them enough, at least Kare, to not make him tripping to fall head first on the ground. It wouldn't have been the same with Snap. This man was loving too much making of Poe a fool.

He sensed all his friends surrounding him and the excitement coming from them. Poe was really curious to discover where they were. It was probably something really mind-blowing for them being so eager to surprise him. He felt Kare taking off the blindfold from his face and Poe blinked few times to adjust to the sunlight hitting his face. When he finally managed to look around without going blind, he was welcomed with a familiar view.

 

He recognized the sun hitting the surface of water and the trees surrounding the lake. He was close to Yavin, his hometown. It has been years since he has been there. But he couldn't convince him to come back there. Something was missing. Something so essential for Poe to truly appreciate Yavin's lake again. He had his best memories there : laughs in so many afternoons, water fights, first kiss. But it was also reminding him everything he lost. And he lost too much. He couldn't bare to be back there. He couldn't. It wasn't the same anymore.

Poe turned his back to his friends and walked back to the car, not looking at the shocked faces of his mates. They all shared a worried look, wondering what was happening and why their usual joyful Poe was in a such sulky mood. Jessika, being his longest friend, voluntereed to go to talk with him and she managed to join him before he climbed back in the car. She stopped him to open the door with an hand and looked into her friend's eyes. They were full of tears and all the anger she felt before because of Poe's behavior disappeared.

Poe often got a sad look, his eyes lost in the void when he thought than nobody was looking at him but he cried rarely. He always made a point to not let his tears falling down and to come back to a more joyful mood. But something there was not allowing Poe to do that again. The sadness he felt was stronger today. Jessika felt worried. She never managed to make him talk about this thing which was eating him from the inside. He was always denying its importance, trying to hide his true pain to them.

 

« What happens ? » asked Jessika, her hand on Poe's arm.

« I want to go home. » answered Poe without looking at her.

« We're at your home. » said Jessika, smiling faintly. Poe was always rambling about how Yavin was beautiful.

« I don't want to be there. » said more brutally Poe, his dark eyes looking at Jessika and the young woman wasn't used to see so much pain and anger in her friend.

« I will not let you leave until you tell me why. » exclaimed Jessika, crossing her arms on her chest.

 

If Poe decided to play this game, she could be as stubborn as him. Even more. She spent weeks to plan this trip, certain it would please her friend and now he wasn't even trying to enjoy their time here.

 

« You love this place. I saw the photograph in your flat. » said Jessika and Poe sighed, his lips shaking, threatening to break in sobs.

« I loved this place. » whispered Poe, leaning against the car like he was suddenly exhausted too much to stand up.

 

Jessika slumped back next to him, feeling that her friend was finally ready to confess to her. She was ready to wait for it.

 

« I loved this place. » told Poe, his eyes, still full of tears, looking at the lake front of them. « I spent all my time there. I had so much fun. My best memories are there. » he smiled sadly.

« So why don't you want to be there ? » asked Jessika.

« I wasn't alone when I was going there. » confessed Poe and he whipped off his tears but new tears were wetting his face. Jessika took his hand in hers and her friend pressed it hard.

« Who ? »

« His name was Ben. » answered Poe, a sweet smile breaking his lips and Jessika didn't remember already having seen a smile so full of love on her friend's mouth. « He was my best friend. »

« More than that, right ? » asked Jessika, sharing a malicious smile with his friend and he nodded, chuckling sweetly.

« He is the love of my life. » said Poe and Jessika heard no doubt in his voice.

« Where is he now ? » asked the young woman. She never heard about him before and she was already knowing Poe for almost seven years. Which meant that Poe was living with this pain for so long.

« I don't know. » whispered Poe. « He disappeared one day. Without telling me anything. »

 

Jessika felt anger filling her veins. How could we do that ? And especially to someone like Poe. He was the sweetest guy that she ever met and you should be an idiot to dump him.

 

« Don't think that. » groaned Poe and Jessika looked at him, surprised by this tone he never used with her before. « You have no right to judge him. » added her friend.

« But...he dumped you. » tried to explain Jessika.

« I know that. » answered harshly Poe. « Ben has never been cruel. But...but he struggled all his life against things I couldn't help him with. » whispered Poe, playing absentmindedly with the ring on the chain around his neck.

« Alright, alright. » answered Jessika. She didn't want to upset him even if she couldn't understand why Poe wasn't feeling angry against this boy. « I'm sorry. »

« You don't know him like I did. » sighed Poe. « I miss him. » admitted Poe and he buried his face in his hands. Jessika saw his shoulders shaking due to his sobs and she put an arm around him, hugging him against her.

« We're not him. » said Jessika, soothing Poe's back. « But maybe you could have new happy memories there. » she added with a shy smile.

« I could try. » admitted Poe.

 

Jessika smiled sweetly and she kissed Poe's cheek before taking his hand and dragging him towards their friends who were waiting for them, worried for the birthday boy.

 

* * *

 

 

Poe had to admit that his friends were right. He was living a great day with them, in a place he loved so much. They swam for two longs hours and even played some water battles and Poe laughed so much. It was good to be back there. Even without Ben. Poe could still feel his heart arching with pain when he thought about his former lover.

Being there, in Yavin, where he lived all his life with Ben reminded to Poe everything he tried to not think about every day. Where was Ben ? Was he with someone who were loving him like he deserved ? Was he thinking about Poe sometimes ? Was Ben happy ? Poe hoped with all his heart that Ben was happy. He, more than anybody else, knew how much Ben deserved finally to find peace. Even if it meant far away from Poe.

Poe and his friends were now eating some sandwiches that Finn, their official cook, made for them, resting a little bit before going back into water. They were sharing their meal, with laughs and jokes and Poe was feeling great. Ben was still a deep hole in his life but at least, he had amazing friends who were ready to do everything for him. He didn't know where he would be without them. He met Jessika just few months after Ben disappeared and the girl has been his best friend since, supporting Poe even without knowing from where could come this utter sadness in Poe. He felt grateful for her to never have asked before this morning. He wasn't ready to share his memories of Ben with someone else. It gave him the feeling to have Ben still there with him.

 

They were all laughing to a joke that Snap told them when Poe's eyes got attracted by a tall silhouette on the shore of the lake. The man had dark black hair, like Ben's, tied in a bun. The man was really tall and with broad shoulders, Poe could tell, even if they were hidden under a leather motorcycle jacket. Poe was looking at him without really looking at him, his thoughts drifting away, wondering if Ben could look like that wherever he was.

The man was still looking at the horizon front of him. His hair falling to each side of his face was hiding him to Poe's eyes and Poe felt it more easier to imagine this stranger being his lost friend. It was simpler to imagine that this profile was showing a strong nose and pouty lips that Poe spent hours to kiss in the past.

A sweet smile took place on Poe's lips to the memories of all the kisses they shared when they were young boys, still believing that the world was ahead them and ready to cherish their relationship. Before reality slapped them hard in the face.

 

When wind made the hair of the stranger flowing in the air, Poe felt his heart trying to tear apart his chest from the inside. He recognized this profile ; the strong nose and the pouty lips. And when this face looked up to the sky, letting the sun warming its features, he recognized the sweet smile. It was a smile he didn't see for almost eight years, save for some photographs and in his own dreams.

Poe shook his head, trying to make this vision, because it could be nothing else than an hallucination, disappearing. It wasn't possible. Ben couldn't be there. He couldn't. Not when Poe looked for him everywhere. Ben couldn't be in such a familiar place. Not after all these years. And no matter how much Poe's heart was bursting with hope right now, his mind was screaming him that it wasn't true, that it was probably the day, the place and his brains fooling him. Life couldn't be so kind with him after having destroyed his heart few years ago. Life was hard, not a fucking Hollywood movie with an happy ending for everybody. Poe was in the people who wouldn't get an happy ending. He accepted it. He could have a decent ending. But definitely not an happy ending. So Poe knew that Ben wasn't there. This stranger was probably even not there, just being the product of Poe's imagination and heart arching for Ben's presence.

 

« Everything all right ? » asked Jessika when she saw Poe burrying his face in his own hands. Poe didn't answer. How he could tell them that he was hallucinating ? They would bring him to an hospital as soon as possible.

« You caught a sunburn and you worry to not being pretty anymore, Dameron ? » laughed Snap and all his friends laughed with him.

« At least this man wouldn't have a sunburn. » said Finn after a moment. « I can't understand how he isn't dying under all this leather. » he added while pointing to the stranger.

 

Poe looked up, shocked and Finn worried, wondering what he said so weird for Poe to look at him like that.

 

« You're seeing him too ? » asked Poe and Finn frowned, like all their friends, before nodding hesitantly.

In the second following Finn's confirmation, Poe was leaving them, running towards this stranger, ignoring his friends' calls.

 

* * *

 

 

When Poe finally came close to the tall man, he slowed down, feeling all his body shaking and his mind screaming to him to not get closer, to leave. What if it wasn't Ben ? What if all of this was just Poe's imagination ? Would he be able to recover from this ? Probably yes. But the pain would still be there. As much as before, even maybe worse. Was Poe ready to have his hopes crushed ? He should listen to his mind. But his heart was screaming too. He needed to know. If there was a chance for Poe to have Ben back in his life, he couldn't let it pass.

The man didn't see him yet. He was still enjoying the warmth of the sun of his face and Poe couldn't doubt anymore. He would recognize his face in a crowd, in a million years. It was Ben. He loved this face for so many years, he showered it with kisses so many times. It was Ben's face. It was Ben's hair. It was Ben's body. It was Ben. Ben was here. Ben was finally back. Poe felt tears rolling down on his cheeks and his breath was stuck in his throat. He was frozen. He never thought that he would see him again. What was he supposed to do now ? Being grateful ? Being angry ? He didn't know.

 

« Ben ? » whispered Poe, one meter away from the not-longer-stranger.

 

The dark haired man turned around and Poe finally could see his face. A face he missed so much. It was like he saw him yesterday and at the same time, he wasn't recognizing him. Ben changed so much. From a boy, he became a man. A real man. An handsome man. Like Poe always knew he would be.

He saw Ben recognizing him when his beautiful brown eyes got bigger, like not believing that Poe was standing front of him, as much as Poe couldn't believe that Ben was there. He saw these pouty lips swallowing a gasp, like he always did when he was nervous. Poe could have laughed to this. It was the Ben he remembered. He didn't change completely. He was still the Ben Poe loved all these years and whom he cherished the memory.

 

« Poe ! » gasped out Ben and Poe felt something in him, sleeping for so long deep inside him, coming back to life.

 

Ben's intense eyes were still percing through Poe's face, like to try to read his soul and Poe felt wonder at how much nothing changed. He was still unable to stay impassive under Ben's glance. Ben was making him feeling so alive. Poe didn't realize until now how much he missed this feeling, this feeling to be the sole person existing in the world. It was thrilling.

When Poe saw Ben taking a step back, all his insecurities, all these years with Ben far away from him acted before he could do anything. Poe ran towards Ben and his friend caught him when he threw himself in Ben's arms. Ben pressed him against his chest and Poe noticed all the changes of Ben's body. He was more muscular, more solid in Poe's arms and Poe was already adoring this feeling. Poe buried his face in Ben's neck, the man was still smelling the same, and he felt Ben's nose in his hair.

They stayed like that for long minutes, not enough at Poe's opinion and probably Ben was agreeing with him because when Poe began to step back, he felt Ben's arms tightening around his waist. Poe smiled slightly. There were so much they needed to talk about but to have Ben in his arms back was enough for the moment. So he agreed and he pressed Ben back against him.

 

« I thought you would hate me. » whispered Ben and Poe felt his hands shaking against Poe's back.

« I couldn't stop to love you. » whispered back Poe and he kissed Ben's neck, the man shivering under this old affectionate gesture between them. He felt Ben shivering in response.

« You always have been to good for me. » answered Ben, with a sweet smile that Poe could felt against his skin.

 

Poe finally broke their embrace but he kept Ben in his arms. He looked up at his friend and he finally remarked the tears on Ben's cheeks. He saw also the deep scar crossing Ben's right eye. He frowned. What happened ? Who did this to Ben ? Who hurt him ? Poe couldn't help himself. He stroked the scar with the tips of his fingers and Ben flinched under Poe's fingers, looking away, ashamed.

 

« What happened ? » asked Poe, taking Ben's chin in his hand to make him looking at Poe.

« A lot. » answered Ben with a nervous chuckle. « Too much. »

« I have a lot of time. » said Poe with a sweet smile.

« Your friends are waiting for you. » said back Ben.

« They got me for the last seven years. » answered Poe without looking at them. « And you're still my friend. » he added.

 

Ben gave him a shy smile, like not realizing that Poe was truly not feeling angry against him. It was probably strange and insane. And Poe felt that strange too. He should have been angry with Ben. But he couldn't. He made peace with what happened in the last seven years. And he was ready to listen to Ben's reasons before overreacting. And he lost Ben for so long. He wasn't willing to loose more time.

 

* * *

 

Both men were walking side by side on the beach, Poe feeling the water licking his naked feet. They were silent, Ben knew he had some explanations to give and he was apparently struggling with where to begin. Maybe he was fearing Poe's judgment. Poe was waiting patiently but he wasn't particularly liking this awkwardness between them. It always has been so comfortable between them. Ben has never been afraid of him before. Poe didn't like that something changed that in his friend. He needed for Ben to feel comfortable with him, to feel safe.

Poe took Ben's hand in his, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And for Poe, it was. But not for Ben anymore since he jumped a little bit when he felt Poe's hand in his bigger hand. But after few seconds, Poe felt Ben pressing his hand back. Poe looked up and smiled to his friend. Ben bit down his lower lip and Poe felt the unforgettable wave of arousal that Ben was generating in him settling down in his stomach. All these old sensations were making Poe's head feeling dizzy.

 

« What happened ? » asked Poe, not anger in his voice at all, just sadness and Ben felt awful for what he did to Poe. The caress of Poe's thumb on Ben's knuckles grounded him and he was able to explain everything to Poe without breaking down.

« After I failed my exams to go to college, everything went to hell. » whispered Ben and he felt Poe coming closer to him, to show him his support. « I...I couldn't join you to university. I...I destroyed all our dreams for future, to live together away from our parents and...and I...I knew you would finally forget me. » confessed Ben and Poe felt angry against him to think that about him.

« I didn't care about your grades Ben. » exclaimed an offensed Poe.

« I know that now. » answered Ben and Poe felt his anger disappearing. « But you know, I wasn't...I never have been in...in good... » struggled his friend and Poe understood.

« I know. » whispered Poe, looking up at Ben. He always knew about Ben's mental health struggles. He always tried to support him, as good as he could but he was just a boy, definitely not enough to help him like he needed to.

« I was in bad state. Mum and Uncle Luke were so disappointed against me and...and Dad was so angry against Mum to make me feeling like a failure and...and they were always arguing and... » started to ramble Ben and he was losing his breath, tears filling his eyes again and Poe recognized a panic attack. Ben used to have a lot of them when they were younger.

 

He took Ben's hand against his chest and he ordered him to follow his breath. It took them few moments but Ben finally got quiet and Poe felt grateful for this thing between them still working after so many years apart.

 

« You should have told me. » whispered Poe, putting one of Ben's lock of hair behind his ear.

« I'm sorry. » sobbed Ben.

« I'm sorry you weren't trusting me enough. » answered Poe, maybe a little bit to bitterly.

« You did nothing wrong. » said Ben, looking down in shame and Poe sighed. He was not doing any good with reacting like that. Ben needed to trust him back to tell him everything. And Poe needed to know why Ben left him. Or more why he didn't come back to him.

« I'm sorry. Please go on ! »

« I...I fled. » whispered Ben. « I spent weeks living in streets. I couldn't come back to home. »

 

Poe felt angry against Ben's parents. They weren't even able to make his home safe for him. Ben had prefered to live in misery than to face their disappoitment. What kind of parents could do that ?

 

« You could have come back to my parents' home. They love you. » said Poe.

« I couldn't. » answered Ben, convinced in his right. « I broke their son's heart. I made him suffering. I treated him like he was nothing. I couldn't seek their protection after that. » groaned Ben and Poe felt this familiar anger he could always felt in Ben when they were younger.

« I looked for you everywhere. » answered Poe.

« I didn't want for you to find me. » smiled sadly Ben. « I wasn't deserving you. »

« That's not true. » answered Poe, ready to fight Ben on this point. He never doubt that Ben was worthy his love. No matter how much Ben was convinced of the reverse, Poe knew he was right.

« Alright. » smiled Ben, exhausted but also amused to see that Poe was still that stubborn.

« What happened then ? » asked Poe and he heard Ben's breath hitching.

« I met someone. » answered Ben and Poe felt like he hit him in the chest. He knew how all these years he hoped for Ben to find happiness, even with someone else but to hear it being true, it was more painful that he expected. « Nothing like you. » added Ben after he sensed Poe's distress. « I could never like someone like I love you. » he added and Poe noticed the use of the present tense in Ben's sentence.

« Who was he ? » asked Poe, shyly.

« A old man. He...he made me believe that I was exceptional. That I was... that I wasn't a failure like...like my parents thought I was. » whispered Ben and Poe would have been grateful to this man if he wasn't feeling like this mysterious man did wrong to Ben. « He...he made me doing horrible things. I...I didn't know anymore who I was. I...he...I was lost. So lost. » cried Ben and Poe couldn't wait anymore, he took him in his arms, letting Ben crying in his embrace.

« But you manage to get away from him right ? » asked a worried Poe, soothing Ben's back.

« Yes. » whispered Ben. « My father saved me. » he said and Poe could feel all the love Ben had for Han.

 

Han Solo wasn't the best father but he always did his best for his boy. So it wasn't a surprise for Poe to hear that he saved his son from this awful man, whoever he was.

 

« I'm happy for you. » said Poe after taking a step back to look at Ben's face. « You look...more at peace. »

« I am. » nodded Ben.

« It suits you. » said Poe, blushing slightly. He never realized before how he didn't really see Ben being peaceful before. There was always some trouble in his eyes, something dark in his face. Even if Poe never doubt that Ben was really happy with him, Poe never managed to make him feel content.

« I'm getting better. It's hard but...but I think I'm on the good path. » smiled shyly Ben. « I'm...I'm seeing a therapist. And...and I'm living with Dad and working with him at his garage. » he added and Poe's lips broke in huge grin.

« I'm really happy for you. » answered Poe. « You deserve it. »

« Thank you. » whispered Ben. « I hope you're happy too. »

« I am now. » said Poe, looking into Ben's beautiful eyes and to see him blushing was confirming to Poe that yes, he was truly feeling happy right now.

 

* * *

 

 

Poe and Ben were still walking hand in hand. Ben needed to go back home but Poe wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. So he walked with him to Ben's motorcycle. Poe recognized the vehicule. Ben worked on it with his father a lot when he was a teen. He never thought he would see it finished one day. He always got the feeling that neither Ben or Han truly wanted to finish it, like one more reason to spend time alone together.

 

« You finally finished it ! » laughed Poe, already caressing the motorcycle.

« Yeah. » smiled proudly Ben. « It helped me during my therapy. » he explained.

« It's beautiful. » said Poe, still amazed by the mechanic engine.

« Maybe I...maybe I could...give you a ride. One day. » breathed out Ben, shifting on his own feet and Poe smiled, loving to see Ben acting like they were teens again and falling in love with each other.

« I would love to. » whispered Poe, pressing one of Ben's gloved hands in his.

 

They both stood awkwardly, not wanting to leave the other one. After short minutes at their opinion, Ben offered a shy smile and a nod before straddling his motorcycle. Poe was feeling fear paralyzing him. Ben was leaving and his mind was screaming to him that he would never see him again. And Poe didn't want that. He didn't want to live without him anymore.

Ben untied his bun, his long hair framing his face and Poe loved this new look on his former lover. Ben started his motorcycle, reminding to Poe that he was leaving. Ben threw his head back, exhibiting his naked neck to Poe's hungry eyes. All his desire for Ben was still alive and Poe did all he could to not let his swim shorts showing how much he was still longing for Ben. His friend put his helmet on and Poe felt upset to see this beautiful face, eyes and smile disappearing behind it.

Poe grabbed Ben's helmet in his both hands and he winded up the visor to look one last time in Ben's beautiful eyes.

 

« I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere. » claimed Poe and he saw in Ben's eyes that his friend understood. They will see each other again.

 

Poe smiled sweetly, his eyes full of tears. Ben was leaving him. But just for the moment. They will see each other again. And Poe could wait for him. He already wait seven years. Few more days were nothing. They had all the future for them. Poe lowered the visor of Ben's helmet before kissing long where he supposed Ben's mouth was behind the helmet. When Poe stepped back, he shared a look with the helmet.

 

« Happy Birthday Poe ! » muffled Ben in his helmet and Poe smiled to him.

 

He looked at Ben driving away on his motorcycle. And for the first time in almost eight years, Poe felt at peace. Everything will be better from now. And later, when he blew the candles on the ugly cake the Tico's sisters made for his birthday, he didn't even need to make a wish. What he wanted the most in his life was finally back.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd


End file.
